Archive for the 'Advertising' Category

Flying Pig 2.0 crashes, burns – no survivors

Bwahahahahahaha!

ferrit_sm

We all saw it coming, but frankly I’m amazed it took so long.

The news media have been circulating the usual clichés from insiders citing external factors such as ‘the current retail environment’. Bullshit. The fact of the matter is, Ferrit never had a viable business model and seemed hell-bent on throwing money at a problem that could only be solved with smarts and balls.

A wee word of advice to any cash-heavy corporates looking to speculate on the next Interweb bubble: if you don’t believe in your product, neither will anyone else.

How to waste money in online advertising

db

Pour money into establishing a pretty cool campaign (buy beer and get cheap flights to Oz), using digital and media agencies who are too stupid to insert the destination URL into the banner, and too lazy to test in the live environment (click the banner to see what I mean).

FAIL!

Best. Beer ad. Ever.

Despite never being broadcast, this ad has been viewed 12 million times and just landed an Emmy.

What’s more, it really makes me want a Bud Light. Very good job.

Back in the saddle

This is pretty much an exact remake of the classic ‘Flaming Logo’ IBM ad from about 10 years ago. It’s amazing to note that while so much has changed in the interim (for instance, our planet went from a warming to a cooling cycle – with no help at all from Al Gore), so much remains unchanged in the void between agency deliverables and client needs.

Thankfully there are notable exceptions, and I have been (very) fortumate to have spent most of my career to date working for two of them. After a brief (yet at the same time far too long) stint at one of the worst agencies I’ve ever encountered, as of this week I’m thrilled to once again find myself surrounded by brilliant, creative professionals who – get this – actually give a shit.

Yep, I am one lucky son of a bitch.

The funniest thing I’ve read in ages

Techmeme served up this story this morning, a pretty interesting piece about how ABC has started letting advertisers take makegood inventory (definition below) from ABC on its ABC.com video player during episodes of specific shows.

A makegood is defined as: Credit given to an advertiser (or advertising agency) by a publication or broadcast medium for an advertisement or commercial spot to make up for an error or unavoidable cancellation on the part of the publication or broadcast medium. The credit is usually in the form of a rerun of the advertisement or commercial.

The main point of the article was that some TV advertisers were being given free digital ad space in lieu of an airtime credit when something went wrong with an ad they had paid for, and in many cases the digital credit was more valuable. This is a pretty new development and one that makes sense for advertisers and the networks – if your TV ad schedule is packed but you have latent digital inventory then it makes sense to give the latter away, regardless of its book value. The alternative – underselling airtime to allow for all the freebies you owe to disgruntled advertisers – is damn costly, and is becoming something of a nightmare for networks battling viewer erosion.

The thing that really grabbed me though, was this fantastic passage mid-way through the article. I’ve maintained for some time that ad execs and their TV counterparts have their heads in their asses, but I never imagined one of them would be stupid enough to state it for the record (albeit anonymously). Of course, I should have known better:

More than a few media executives were astonished that some marketers would agree to [substituting digital makegoods]. “What have we come to?” asks one disgruntled executive. “How can this beat full-screen television? We don’t even know if they can measure the Internet properly, let alone giving us a demographic breakdown.”

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Are you fucking kidding me? Let’s respond to each point in turn, shall we?

“What have we come to?” It’s called the twenty-first century. You might have heard of it? It started about 70 years after the birth of the TV industry, and ten years after the end of the decade you, your colleagues and the entire advertising industry are stuck in (in case you’re still hungover from yesterday’s coke-and-Dom-fueled “lunch”, I’m referring to the 80’s). Were the 90’s that scary? Was grunge so terrible you all just decided “Fuck this, we’re going back to the 80’s. Shoulder pads, Miami Vice and Flock of Seagulls. Woohoo!” If and when you do decide to catch up with the rest of the world, brace yourself: OJ killed somebody but got away with it, Magic Johnson got HIV but it didn’t kill him, America invaded Iraq (twice), Michael Jackson molested a bunch of kids, and to make matters worse they made a Sex and the City movie!

“How can this beat full-screen television?” Um, by being relevant, interactive, measurable and less intrusive. You should give this Interweb-thingy a try sometime, dude – it’s really swell!

“We don’t even know if they can measure the Internet properly, let alone giving us a demographic breakdown.” WTF? Of course we can measure the Internet properly! We can measure everything, that’s what’s so damn cool about the medium! Sure, some analytics tools are better than others, but even the crappy hit counters we used to stick on our FrontPage sites in the 90’s were more accurate than anything the TV networks have. I mean for God’s sake – do any of you know someone with a people meter? Talk about the pot and the fucking kettle!

What the hell, I needed a laugh today. Sweet.

Hippies piss me off. Ad-men too.

Shell has recently started showing this commercial here in NZ, although I gather it’s been in use internationally for over a year.

I’ve noticed a fair bit of online chatter about this, much of it generated by eco-bastards decrying the expensive promotion of oil consumption in the age of dwindling oil reserves and man-made [sic] global warming (which, by the way, we all know is bullshit but few are prepared to say so publicly because of this McCarty-ist persecution of ‘deniers’ that’s been going around).

Anyhoo, the ad rubs me the wrong way as well, but not for the reason you might think…

The oil supplies are going to run out regardless of any steps to reduce consumption. It’s not like they’re asking us to stop or reduce our consumption of whale meat or timber to allow stocks to replenish and thereby guarantee supply for future generations – they’re not making any more oil, and running out was always going to be a matter of ‘when’ and not ‘if’.

Those of you who have been reading for a while may recall a post from last year where I observed that if oil supplies are limited and the use of petroleum products is detrimental to the environment, then it would actually be in our interest to increase consumption to make the oil disappear sooner. Sure it may get smoggy for a while, but then there’d be ZERO oil-related pollution and surely that’s good for the environment, right?

I’ll grant you that it’s a pretty tongue-in-cheek assertion and that personally I’m not looking forward to the day the oil runs out, but at the same time I also think it’s a healthy perspective, in that we need to focus on the one undeniable fact that’s being clouded by all this eco-bullshit:

The oil is going to run out

All this malarky about reducing consumption implies that if we reduce our reliance on oil we’ll be ok. Well actually, we won’t. If we’re even partially reliant on oil when the wells run dry, we’re going to be totally screwed. These hippies remind me of an unemployed guy’s mother telling him to reduce his spending or he’ll burn through all his savings. He’s going to run out of money eventually, and what he really needs to do is get a job and/or move back in with his folks. In the same vein we need to either produce more oil or stop using it altogether. The former is impossible, and the latter isn’t going to happen while hippies cloud the issue with self-satisfied sermons about how much they love their hybrids, and pseudo-scientific doomsday prophesies.

So to clarify my position (God forbid I should be mistaken for one of those tree-hugging, cardigan-wearing, sprout-munching whale-humpers!): Yes, dwindling oil reserves is a problem but reducing consumption isn’t the answer. At some point we’re going to have to stop using oil altogether, and maybe running out is the only way we’ll be sufficiently motivated to develop and adopt alternative fuels. Think about it people – if the oil ran out tomorrow, we’d have affordable alternatives immediately and you know it! The opposite is also true – if we figure out how to stretch the oil reserves for another century you’d better not hold your breath for an affordable hydrogen cell, ‘cos it ain”t gonna happen.

As such – and I’m dead serious here people – you might as well smoke ‘em if you got ‘em (drive ‘em if you can afford ‘em).

While I’m on the subject, it also cracks me up how anyone with a straight face could try and convince me that a Toyota Prius is an acceptable alternative to a Porsche 911 GT3 RS. A car is just a tool for getting from A to B? That’s like saying having sex is just a process for making babies!

Anyhoo, the thing that really bugs me about the Shell ad (apart from the cacophony of hippie dissenters) is this. As a result of this ad, some pony-tailed wanker in New York probably got a nice awards ceremony to go to and a trophy for their mantlepiece; the agency got a new addition to its reel for use in new business pitches; and the client will have been taken to exotic restaurants, bars and brothels all over the world during filming. But here’s the rub – the ad may be a visual masterpiece, but did/will it help sell any more fuel? My guess is no.

When I’m contemplating a fuel purchase the only criteria I have in mind are how much it will cost (by far the most important factor); how much fuel I have left (and can I make it to a cheaper gas station before I run out); and – a VERY distant last – what other needs can I satisfy while I’m there (e.g. BP gas stations tend to have better toilets, but the food and coffee is better at Shell). Do I give a shit that Shell provides fuel to Ferrari F1? I drive a ‘91 Sierra! What, if I use Shell fuel it’s going to develop another 300 bhp, shed 400 kg and miraculously grow a PussyMagnetTM?

The ad cost $5m to make and yet addresses NONE of the factors influencing my purchasing behaviour. I’m not writing about this because I’m surprised or alarmed by the ad. I’m writing about it because I’m not. This is the same tired old bullshit ad agencies have been churning out for so long that we (clients and consumers) no longer care or expect any better. Orwell once said that “advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail”, but I disagree. Advertising should be the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail – at least in that instance we have a relevant and compelling message, an appropriate and cost-effective medium, and a receptive audience. What we have these days is a swill pail, an orchestra playing Sprach Zarathustra, fireworks, celebrity endorsements… you get the idea.

Interesting observation of the day:

Type the following phrases into Google, and count how many paid ads are presented along with the search results (ok, I’ll do it for you)…

Cheap Fuel NZ (1)
Cheap Petrol NZ (1)
Cheapest Petrol NZ (5)
Gas Station NZ (2)

I think it’s fair to assume that a sizable proportion of people using these search phrases has a fuel purchase in mind, yet none of the advertisers targeting fuel-related search phrases are fuel producers, brands or retailers! Why? Because their ad agencies would have them believe that we’re more receptive to their messages while we’re at home trying to watch CSI New York than when we’re actually looking for information to support a purchasing decision.

On the up-side, this makes it a hell of a lot easier for people like me to earn a living. You see, if you can show a client – using irrefutable data – that the money they pay you yields a substantial improvement in their bottom line, they will do anything to keep you on board. That’s why I’m doing quite nicely, thank you, while my former colleagues (from my brief and yet far too long foray into the advertising industry) are facing round after round of layoffs. Dude, I dodged a bullet when I got out of that game!

Copywriting .101

Ok so this doesn’t just apply to copywriting. Have a look at the ad below, form your own opinion about the product, the client and whoever created the ad, and then click on the image to see the rest of the copy.

I’d like to think this was already widely understood, but apparently not. Let me spell it out for you folks:

If you say something is ‘classy’, it isn’t. And neither are you.

I’ll leave you to digest that while I watch me some Springer. Now THAT is classy!

The trick to creating great viral video

Dan Ackerman Greenberg posted a great article to TechCrunch last week, sharing his insight into what makes a truely effective viral video. I like the article because it speaks to a lot of thinkgs I’d wondered recently about exploiting video sharing sites for publicity purposes.

**And before you all jump in and give me shit about siding with a spammer… Yes, I accept that a lot of what Dan talks about isn’t exactly ethical. As the saying goes, however, this ain’t show friends this is show business. Show me the money! Show me the money! Show me the money!

Sorry, must be having another one of them Jerry Maguire moments.

In terms of traffic generation, online video is a hugely underestimated opportunity. There is an entire industry dedicated to mastering the Google algorithm (for all its complexity), but promotion and dissemination of video content is still in its infancy by comparison. Given that contributors can assign their own tags and categories to video content (unlike web pages, which are assessed by the search engine and subjected to a veeeeeeeeeeeery complex classification algorithm), a little foresight and imagination can go a long way in terms of exposure and appeal.

Example: they’ve probably blocked this now, but about 6 months ago I got thousands of views on a stupid clip of my dog chasing a stick simply by applying the tags PORN SEX and NAKED when I uploaded it to YouTube. A rather inane experiment, I know, but you would get NOWHERE pulling that crap with traditional SEO.

Anyhoo, the article is a little long winded but I definitely recommend you make some time to take it all in. For those of you working on their next heart attack here’s the abridged version…

Secret #1: Not all viral videos are what they seem

2. Content is NOT King

Here are some guidelines we follow:

* Make it short
* Design for remixing
* Don’t make an outright ad
* Make it shocking
* Use fake headlines
* Appeal to sex

3. Core Strategy: Getting onto the “Most Viewed” page

So how do we get the first 50,000 views we need to get our videos onto the Most Viewed list?

* Blogs
* Forums
* MySpace
* Facebook
* Email lists
* Friends

4. Title Optimization

5. Thumbnail Optimization

6. Commenting: Having a conversation with yourself

7. Releasing all videos simultaneously

8. Strategic Tagging: Leading viewers down the rabbit hole

9. Metrics/Tracking: How we measure effectiveness

Have a great week!

Stickin’ it to the man (ok, to the woman)

If it’s not completely obvious, this Electoral Finance Bill thing has really rubbed me the wrong way. If you read my blog on a regular basis, odds are you like what I have to say and/or the way I say it. The value (artistic or otherwise) of what I write is debateable, as evident by some of the hate mail I’ve received over the years, but if you dig beneath the fart jokes and ranting I believe that the dialogical act of blogging is a beaufiful expression of our (endangered) democratic freedom.

You’ve probably guessed by now that my own political leanings sit just a little to the right of Ghengis Khan’s. You either agree with me or you don’t, but that’s ok – I have a right to my beliefs, you have a right to your own, and we both have the freedom to try and sway each other with reasoned discourse and hopefully make the world a better place along the way.

Anyhoo, I’ve been thinking…

As much as there are many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many … *gasp!* many many many many many political idealogies out there that I disagree with, the one that pisses me off the most is the one that attacks the essense of democracy, the basest human right beyond the right to life itself – freedom of speech.

The Electoral Finance Bill was designed to restrict free expression of ideas by limiting the money that could be spent attempting to reach people. Ok fine. If you want to play that way, the gloves are off. Leave your checkbook at home. ‘Free’ speech it is.

As of January 1st 2008 I will publish any and all information (press releases, promotional videos, event invitations, policy statements etc) provided to me by any organisation hoping to influence the outcome of the general election. Send me your material or a link / RSS feed to your material (e.g. your video stuff really should be at YouTube etc) and I’ll do my damndest to make sure as many voters see it as possible. I’ll post it to my own blog, apply social bookmarks, email it to my friends, and I’ll also compile it into a custom ‘NZ elections’ RSS feed that I’ll encourage other bloggers to pick up.

Who’s with me?

ps. Don’t worry, kids – the fart jokes and ranting will still be here in abundance.

Viva El Presidente!

Seriously, this is getting way out of hand. Peter Davis, the Prime Minister’s husband, has come out swinging against opponents of the Electoral Finance Bill this weekend, via a letter to the NZ Herald.

If passed, the controversial piece of legislation will introduce new rules governing what people can and cannot say during election time and how much money organisations and political parties can spend on campaigning. A scary thing for me is that the bill places no additional restrictions on government spending, which I firmly believe poses a far greater threat to democracy. I cannot for the life of me understand why an academic would support this bill. Seriously – why the hell would an academic support restrictions on freedom of speech?

Responding to rising criticism from opposition parties and recent protests throughout the country, Dr Davis stated:

The Electoral Finance Bill does not diminish ‘free’ speech. It restricts speech that is ‘purchased’ through advertising – and only in an environment that is electorally sensitive.”

Oh, that makes it ok then does it? There’s an old saying in human rights that “you either believe in freedom of speech, or you don’t”. The quote above makes Dr Davis’ position in the latter camp to be quite clear. He then attempts to justify it by inventing a fantastic distinction between ‘free’ and ‘purchased’ speech:

“I would be concerned if ‘free’ speech was being constrained but limits on the rights to ‘purchase’ speech are justified to protect our democracy from money politics, although I can see it might hurt the Herald’s bottom line.

What the fuck? It’s not the speech that’s being purchased, dickhead, it’s access to the audience. One man standing on a soap-box on a busy street can maybe reach a few hundred people a day. The reason paid advertising exists is to expand the message’s reach to those who don’t happen to be within earshot.

So let’s follow his argument through. The government has no issue whatsoever with opposing points of view – we can have as many of those as we like. What we’re not allowed to do is spend a little cash getting our message out. Well let me ask you this:

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody’s there to hear it, does it make any noise?

Whichever way you look at it, this bill exists for one purpose – to restrict access to information. You have to remember that freedom of speech goes both ways:

  1. The person with the idea or opinion has a right to voice it; and
  2. The rest of us have a right to hear new ideas and opinions

This insidious piece of legislation attempts to limit my right to voice my opinions, and YOUR right to hear what I have to say. That’s some really scary shit, kids.

To hear this diarrhetic sludge dribbling out of a respected academic is unconscionable. It’s embarrassing. It’s sad, pathetic, and incredibly disturbing. What’s more it makes me really mad. Fuck you, Peter Davis. Fuck you right in the ear. At its heart, academia is nothing without freedom of speech – paid or otherwise. If and when they find a cure for cancer, where would we be if they weren’t allowed to publicise it? Lying in the Oncology ward with our hair falling out, that’s where.

You are a disgrace to your profession Dr Davis. This isn’t about politics. This is about your public disregard for a basic human right, without which there would be no academia. You should resign immediately. If you don’t have the cojones to do so you should be sacked.

And yes, I accept that there is a certain irony in my recommending that Dr Davis be punished for stating his opinions, but you have to remember that with great freedom comes great responsibility. We should all be free to say whatever the hell we like, provided we’re also prepared to accept the consequences. There is no justifying Dr Davis’ comments. He has stated a belief that renders him incapable and unworthy of his job.

When pressed to justify the legislation, Helen Clark’s favourite response is to pick on the Exclusive Brethren. In the build-up to the last election the Brethren spend a fat wad of cash on anti-government and anti-Green Party advertising campaigns. According to Helen, such activities present a significant threat to democracy and should be regulated. But here’s the rub…

THE LAST ELECTION WAS INDEED BOUGHT, BUT IT WASN’T BOUGHT BY NATIONAL, ACT, OR THE EXCLUSIVE BRETHREN.

The last election (in fact, the last two elections) was bought by the Labour Party. And it wasn’t through advertising (although the multi-million dollar ‘policy campaigns’ must have helped) – it was bribery, plain and simple.

I graduated from university with a $35,000 student loan. Since then I have repaid approximately $30,000, leaving me with an outstanding balance of approcimately $32,000. That’s right sports fans – I’m pouring a ton of cash into this thing and am barely able to handle the compounding interest.

There are lots of voters like me out there, so last election Helen and Mike threw a lovely pre-election lolly scramble, making all student loans interest free for people living in New Zealand. Don’t you think the timing was a hell of a coincidence, coming up right before the election? Vote for us and we’ll write off the interest on your loan? (If it isn’t quite clear, the ruse didn’t work on me. But I know for a fact that thousands of current and former students voted Labour solely because of this bribe – what else would you call it?).

What about the election before that? Does ‘Working for Families’ ring any bells?

A friend of mine once told me that democracy was over the day poor people figured out that they could vote themselves money. This government has certainly cottoned on to that, and is doing everything in its power to keep the chips stacked in their favour.

So, a nice old rant above, but what’s my point? Simple:

The real threat to democracy in New Zealand does not lie with interested parties paying to share their beliefs and opinions. Hell, we should have more of that! The real threat is:

  1. Any attempt to curtail freedom of speech. The Electoral Finance Bill was designed with that in mind and it MUST be defeated.
  2. Pre-election lolly scrambles and ‘policy’ advertising. We see it every year before poll time, and it’s got to stop!

If we don’t nip this in the bud before things get truely out of hand, we’re only a stone’s throw from having Helen Clark as ‘President for Life’, strutting the halls in a military uniform a la Idi Amin to hails of ‘Viva El Presidente!’.

And by the way – while we’re all busy debating these (ableit important) issues, people are still murdering babies.

Have a nice week.

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