So I watched Attack of the Clones on TV at the weekend, and was reminded of the feverish anticipation that preceded the launch of Episode I, the Phantom Menace. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from the disappoinment of seeing the most beloved franchise in cinematic history jump the shark before my very eyes – damn you, JarJar Binks! Damn you to hell!
This was piss funny though. Sam J’s appearance had a lot of people – myself included – seriously hyped up and again the movie failed to deliver. If only Lucas had taken a little dialogue coaching from Tarantino things might’ve been a lot different…
The TOP 10 Things We Wanted To Hear Samuel L. Jackson’s Character “Jedi Master Mace Wendu” Say in the Star Wars Prequels:
- You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ’cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.
- Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfuckers.
- This is your father’s lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherfuckin’ stormtrooper in the room… accept no substitutes.
- If Obi-wan ain’t home then I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I ain’t got no other connections on Tattooine.
- Feel the Force, motherfucker.
- “What” ain’t no planet I ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on What?
- You sendin’ the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that’s all you had to say!
- Yeah, Chewie Rocky Horror’s got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He’s a wookie.
- Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?
- Hand me my lightsaber… it’s the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.”
Catch you tomorrow. I have news.