Sam Jackson’s Star Wars Wishlist

So I watched Attack of the Clones on TV at the weekend, and was reminded of the feverish anticipation that preceded the launch of Episode I, the Phantom Menace. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from the disappoinment of seeing the most beloved franchise in cinematic history jump the shark before my very eyes – damn you, JarJar Binks! Damn you to hell!

This was piss funny though. Sam J’s appearance had a lot of people – myself included – seriously hyped up and again the movie failed to deliver. If only Lucas had taken a little dialogue coaching from Tarantino things might’ve been a lot different…

The TOP 10 Things We Wanted To Hear Samuel L. Jackson’s Character “Jedi Master Mace Wendu” Say in the Star Wars Prequels:

  1. You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ’cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.
  2. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfuckers.
  3. This is your father’s lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherfuckin’ stormtrooper in the room… accept no substitutes.
  4. If Obi-wan ain’t home then I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I ain’t got no other connections on Tattooine.
  5. Feel the Force, motherfucker.
  6. “What” ain’t no planet I ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on What?
  7. You sendin’ the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that’s all you had to say!
  8. Yeah, Chewie Rocky Horror’s got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He’s a wookie.
  9. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?
  10. Hand me my lightsaber… it’s the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.”

Catch you tomorrow. I have news.

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1 Response to “Sam Jackson’s Star Wars Wishlist”


  1. 1 Simonne August 13, 2008 at 10:17 am

    Oh yes. Very nice. VERY NICE indeed. Say ‘I have news’, just tack it on the end there, barely noticeable but standing out like … well, Fozzie’s balls before you had him butchered.

    *grumble grumble hate waiting for news grumble better be good news grumble or I’ll have a hormonal hissy fit grumble grumble wonder if I can dig it out of Sarah grumble*


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